Fine. I’m fine. It’s fine.
Those are common responses to “How are things?,” “How are you?,” and “How’s it going?”.
They’re perfectly acceptable answers, but nine times out of 10 they are a lie.
There are definitely occasions when that answer is true and right. When it’s not though, we wouldn’t dare say anything but. No mom ever taught us to give a truly honest answer when we’re greeted with a “Hi, how are you?”. We were taught, directly and indirectly, to answer positively lest we emotionally vomit our true feelings or circumstances onto an unsuspecting friend or neighbor.
When having a bad day, Mary Kay Ash is known to have instructed her consultants to answer the how’s your day question truthfully, though with a bit of a veil, “You wouldn’t believe!”
Confession: When asked any of those questions in the past three months, I’ve replied with my variation of the life of fine when too often it has been anything but.
Anxiety and fear aren’t emotions I deal with regularly. The pandemic, though, has brought out parts of me that must have been lying dormant below my emotional surface. I’m generally cautious and a planner, so dealing with a spreading virus I can’t control scratched away whatever covering had been holding back my anxieties until now.
For almost three months I have ridden the proverbial emotional roller coaster. One day I feel strong, able to think clearly, and wield my emotionally logical sword. Other days I would press down my fears, stifling them to the point of almost being unable to breathe. I have found myself unwilling to venture out (even to the grocery store) and all but paralyzed on the couch, burning through Netflix to keep my mind off of anything real.
As a Christian, I know prayer helps. I have prayed my way through various situations…divorce, a death, sickness, how to parent, world tragedy. Prayer is a phenomenal weapon and it definitely changes me. Sometimes, though, it’s ok to need more than prayer to get through.
At my church, Cross Point, we have a saying, “It’s ok to not be ok.” There is such freedom, comfort, and truth in that phrase. It’s a statement I really like and one I believe. It wasn’t until the past few days, though, I was able to believe it about me.
Restraining emotions of any kind as a way to appear fine isn’t a great strategy. Like Mentos tossed into a bottle of soda, given a shake an explosion occurs. I avoided a complete emotional explosion, but cracks in my surface caused by consistent emotional pressure gave way a couple of times last week, spilling out my true emotions to those I feel most comfortable with.
We all need people who are our safety nets, the foamy, soft spots we can land in when life is too much and we need to let go. I am extremely grateful for those people. Not just because I can bare my soul to them, but because they look back at me and say, “It’s ok.” More than that, they mean it. They assure me there is no need for perfection, it’s ok to struggle. It’s ok to not be ok. Even more, it’s ok to ask for help.
It's ok to not be ok. Even more, it's ok to ask for help. Click To TweetThis week I reached out and asked for help. I had a Telehealth appointment with my primary care doctor who discussed strategies and medications to help me deal with anxiety. I shared openly and fully with those close to me about my struggle. It’s amazing how much can be lifted off of your soul when you simply talk openly and honestly with someone who listens with love.
If you’re struggling with any and all of what is happening in our world right now, it’s ok. If you’re struggling with anything at all, it’s ok. Take the first step and talk with someone. Whether it’s someone close to you or a counselor or a therapist through a service like Talkspace, a caring person is waiting to listen. You are loved and a friend or professional has suggestions and options to support and help you overcome.
It’s ok to be fine, but it’s also ok to not be ok. And it’s ok to ask for help.
“Without good direction, people lose their way; the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances.” Proverbs 11:14 (MSG)
Proverbs 11:14 (MSG)